Friday, December 28, 2007

I is back!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, and gentlemen who believe they are ladies and vice-versa, the indomitable Trevor is back! Back just in time to have a long boring discussion about the year in review (2007). Actually that idea also bores me so I won't be doing that afterall.

One thing I would like to do is discuss my New Year's Resolutions for 2008. In my experience I tend to keep my resolutions best in years which are even-numbered. 1998 for example: I resolved to go to college out-of-state and I achieved that goal. 2002: I resolved to lose that extra...AHEM...45 lbs (which I accomplished by becoming "The Atkins Nazi") and I still have the "Fat Shirt" which used to be tight on me as a reminder of my success. 2006: I resolved to become "too skinny" and accomplished that (lightest I ever was since sophomore year of highschool - 185lbs). These are resolutions which are not exactly easy to keep so in retrospect I find it extraordinary that a lazy slob such as myself was able to accomplish that much. Normally I would have given up by the end of January.
But like I said this is 2008, the cycle of years has landed on an even-numbered year and I am ready and motivated to carry out my New Year's Resolutions. Now if I just had some...
Okay I thought of one:
1. Update your blog more often you lazy slob!
There should be fresh content, new discussions, new music, new pictures AT LEAST once every week. I think that is a reasonable goal. I'm thinking about getting a nicer digital camera. Not one that's so nice that I would go into mourning if I ever left it at a table at the mall but one that's better than the crappy camera that's built into the SideKick II. This will be my first resolution.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

You don't need a degree to operate a toaster...

So there I was minding my own business when this trailer trash looking guy comes barrelling out of the dining room.


So I calmly made my way into the dining room to check on things. As I was walking toward the toaster it popped up as usual. There was no toast in it however. So I asked the gentleman (and I use that term loosely),

"Did your toast get burned?" He shook his head.

"Nah I took the toast out with the tonges". I assured him everything was fine now and went back to work. The toaster, being one of the simplest appliances, operates on the principle that the user is more intelligent than it is. As the average toaster costs $12.95 at Walmart its a safe bet its probably not loaded with advanced technology that is able to sense when the toast is manually pulled out the slot. That being the case, the toaster will naturally plug along until it reaches the point it assumes the toast is done whether or not there is actually any bread in there. If the toaster WERE actually stuck the logical solution is to: pull the plug. Then it will cool down enough to be serviced or if necessary discarded and replaced. Its people like that guy I mentioned that are the reason we can't have nice things.

One of the most common complaints I hear (in regards to the breakfast) comes in the form of an accusing question: "Oh you don't have a waffle station?" NO WE DO NOT HAVE A WAFFLE STATION. A make your own waffle station would be an unqualified disaster; most of these people aren't bright enough to handle a bowl of cereal. I can just hear it now....

"Timmy its time to go!"

"Just a second mom I'm making another waffle!" Timmy pours more batter on both griddles, spilling over the edge and down the counter.


"But Myoooommmmmmm! Waaaaaaaa!"

"NOW YOU MISERABLE LITTLE BRAT! I WISH I HAD HAD THAT ABORTION!" She grabs little Timmy by the arm and drags him off kicking and screaming. Meanwhile the waffles silently cook, then overcook, then start to char as the dining room slowly fills with smoke. At this point an elderly lady will come to the front and say,

"Excuse me you're out of the Delicious Orange Juice"...the orange juice which comes from concentrate and tastes like sugar water which gives me a sour stomach just thinking about it. So I will go up to throw in another container of orange sludge and find flames shooting out from under the waffle iron. Come on now you know as well as I that's EXACTLY what would happen. I'd say the solution is to buy the pre-cooked package waffles that you heat up in the toaster...but they don't know how to work that either.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

You should have used Preparation H...on your mouth.

*snap snap snap (fingers snapping) tap tap tap (fingernails rapping on the counter)*

"Come on COME ON! I need to get going!"

To my impatient guests who think they're so important they can't afford to waste a second on anything: up your's.

I realize that in the fabulously glamorous world of 'Used Car Sales' you're used to fast-talking and borderline hustling of people. But here in my world we actually take time to be pleasant, patient, and understanding. While you're sucking the lifeblood out of your customers trying to earn a commission, I'm getting paid an hourly wage. Unlike you its optional for me to be a ginormous asshole (though I would find that unthinkable), because lets face it: the pay is the same whether I try hard or not.

You're used to having things your own way. You think this is because you're important and sucessful and therefore deserve such treatment. Actually its because people can't stand you and will do almost anything to make you shutup and GO AWAY!

I however, am your worst enemy. I'm exceedingly patient and insults, threats, and temper-tantrums don't affect me in the slightest. You WILL get your receipts; sure I could have it "right quick" but you're going to have to wait till your attitude improves. I don't believe in rewarding sociopathic behavior.


HeadOn Apply directly to the forehead!

Sometimes I wish there was a sound associated with rolling your eyes. It wouldn't have to happen each time but it would be reserved for occasions when somebody said something REALLY exasperating. Case in point: this morning I received a phone call at exactly 7:01AM. I REALLY could have used the eye roll sound effect for that phone call.

"Umm hi, my husband and I are recently divorced and he has custody of the kids and lives in Colorado Springs now..." (Like I care lady)

"...Anyway my current fiance and I are going to be travelling out there in September and we're thinking of staying at your hotel for a couple of nights..." (Again: so what? 'your hotel' are the first two words you've said so far that interest me)

"...Can you describe the neighborhood that you're in?" (this call couldn't have waited till oh I don't know, NEVER?) So I went through the whole shpeal and finally she said thanks for the information and hung up.

In an ideal world, here's how that same conversation would have gone...

*ring ring* [Thawump - eye roll sound effect]

"Umm hi, [Thawump] my husband and I are recently divorced and he has custody of the kids and lives in Colorado Springs now..." [Thawump]

"...Anyway my current fiance and I are going to be travelling out there in September [Thawump][Thawump] and we're thinking of staying at your hotel for a couple of nights..."[Thawump][Thawump][Thawump]!

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize how rediculous and pointless this would sound until I heard your eyes rolling, I'll call back at a normal person hour, bye now"[Thawump]

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Drive safely you Cheap Rotten Bastard! And take your wife's thighs with you.

Every now and then you get a retired Lawyer as a guest in the hotel. In case you've never met one before I'll fill you in on the dirt. Lawyers are by definition: rotten bastards. Retired lawyers (by extension of being old coots) are even worse; they are Cheap Rotten Bastards. You know how they say "Doctors make the worst patients"? Well lawyers (while not necessarily the worst guests...that award goes to Bridezillas) make terrible hotel guests. Why? Unlike most they will actually READ everything you ask them to sign. And then they will quiz you on the information even though they know full-well they have a much better grasp of "limited liability" than you.

Whereas a normal person would simply intitial and sign wherever you told them to, with Cheap Rotten Bastard Lawyers you get:
"Well now wait a minute what's this? 'I agree that my liability for this bill is not waived and agree to be held personally liable in the event that the indicated person, company, or association fails to pay the full amount of these charges' what else are you going to charge my card for!?"
The answer being: Nothing...provided you aren't adding additional nights, running up your phone bill, charging concessions to your room, etc. However you as the 'indicated person' are affirming that you will be responsible for any charges you (indicated person) incur.

"Grunt, well I'll sign it then." You know at that very moment CRB (Cheap Rotten Bastard) is going to sit down with his bill at checkout and scrutinize everything from the AAA discount percentage to the sales tax. Will he borrow your calculator to check his figures? No of course not, how does he know your calculator doesn't lie to him the same as you?
Then when all is said and done, CRB will plop down: a coupon.

Monday, July 30, 2007

One more for the Lemming Pile

OMG Have you noticed the alarming increase in the number of marriages between one man and five women, one man and a goat, or between ten men, fifteen women, a dolphin, and a television remote lately? Neither have I. Yet as far as Fundamentalist Christian Bigots are concerned all of these things were bound to take place now that same-sex Marriage is legal in Massachusetts. Well Fundies, I don't mean to be a smart-mouthed bastard (it comes naturally) but are people gonna make with the polygamy? And I don't want to gloat (though if I do its only because I was right all along) but you're running out of time for your dire predictions to come true.

"Oh but you forget, rampant homosexuality and same-sex marriage presaged the downfall of the Roman Empire we can't take that risk!" Thou sayest.

Actually I can recall only one "same-sex" marriage that occured in Roman history, that of the Emperor Nero to a slave boy. However as I also recall, anyone who dared defy Nero invariably wound up dead. But same-sex marriage in ancient Rome was actually quite illegal. Ancient Romans in fact placed preminate value on heterosexual marriage and family life. In fact the Ancient Roman ideal of the family unit with the male as the leader of the household followed by the subservient woman (or women occasionally) and Leave-it-to-Beaver children would be something that modern Fundies in the United States could only achieve in their wettest dreams if not for that bothersome notion of "Freedom".

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. That is of course an overgeneralization but I think one that aptly describes the antics of the anti-gay movement in America. If there is one constant in the ever changing dynamic of American politics its that: Fundamentalists SUCK when it comes to maintaining momentum for their cause. This is due in part to their reticence to embrace new ideas of course, but also because of their attitude that the world is organized in sharp contrasts. Black and White, good vs evil, right vs wrong, etc. And while they may have the ability to gain a victory politically what they don't seem to understand is that they have to maintain it.

Examples of ConservaFundie rationale:

  1. "Well we won the last election, why are you bothering registering Democrat voters? Don't you realize you lost?"
  2. "Voters passed Prop 22 the Defense of Marriage Act in California in 2000, it doesn't matter that a majority now support civil unions or same-sex marriage. Changing it now would go against the 'will of the voters'".

In the mindset of Conservatives (especially of the Fundamentalist Christian variety) changes in public opinion are irrelevant so long as at some point public opinion happened to coincide with their opinion. Whatever it was then is whatever it is now; it must be because opinions are set in stone...and change is scary. There are of course times when even the most stubborn fundy must concede least internally. When that happens the ensuing drama is absolutely delicious.

Consider the screeching drama queens at who organized to try and force a constitutional amendment be added to the Massachusetts's state constitution. After failing the first two times to get a majority in the admittedly left-leaning legislature to vote for the ballot initiative they tried a much less common (and more despicable) tactic. First they rounded up enough signatures (through scare mongering, threats, and we found out later: outright lying for Jesus) to require that only 1/4th the legislators vote in favor of the amendment in two consecutive terms for the question to be put to the voters. And: it happened. Oh you should have heard the cackles of sheer hategasm on the Fundie side.

"Now you queers are gonna PAY!" etc, etc. But like the Fundie style of lovemaking (both mostly clothed, missionary style through a hole in a sheet) it was over before you knew it had begun. The amendment failed to get the necessary 1/4th legislature support it needed the second time around. Gasp! Could it be that the legislators involved in the first vote over a year ago had time to listen to some of the concerns of their gay and lesbian constituents, took time to consider the impact of their decision, and accordingly changed their minds? Not according to Nay it was meddlesome outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi who "forced" (I guess through the Imperius curse or something) 11 lawmakers to change their vote. recently decided not to try a third time to gather signatures to bring the ballot before the legislature. Curious because they still claim "vast public support" for their small-penised brand of bigotry. Instead they now threaten the careers of lawmakers who don't vote the way they like. Yeah that always works. Dumbbutts

Friday, July 27, 2007

Dear Myspace Bimbo

This morning I awoke with a start. It was 3:55AM. Something had jarred me out of a sound sleep. I held my breath for a moment and let my eyes adjust to the looming dark and that's when I noticed the light on my cell phone blinking. It is rare for me to receive a message after midnight, so, fearing the worst I plucked the phone from the charger and opened it. "Youve got a new message on Myspace from Laura!" it announced in cheerful computer generated email.
"Raaaaawwrrrrr!" said I as I rolled over and set the alarm for 5:40AM, "curse you Laura whoever you are!"

What could be so urgent that it would require a myspace message at 4 o'clock in the morning? Well I found out later that morning as I was riding the bus to work. As is my usual custom I try to become wrapped up in the morning news on my cell phone. This has a couple of advantages. For one it staves off the boredom of sitting at the station for 20 minutes. For another its a great way to avoid making eye contact with the mentally ill alcoholics that typically ride the bus who might otherwise start talking to me.

But on this particular morning I decided to check my myspace messages. The message from Laura read: (and I'm paraphrasing because it was one of those crappy picture of text messages that spammers think Myspace won't be able to figure out and filter)

"Hey what happened to you? I've been trying to reach you. Well I THOUGHT we'd make a cute couple and you're really hot but obviously you're not interested. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING! But here's a picture to tease you [Insert random female butt picture] If you change your mind about us click on"

THAT'S why I had to wake up two hours early?

So I wrote back:

"Dear myspace bimbo, while its true that I am hot and you and I would make a cute couple (by extension of my hottness), I feel it important to say that I have absolutely zero interest in you, your boobs, or your ass. There are several reasons why you fail as an individual to qualify for a relationship with me of any sort. I'm sure you have self-esteem issues and hearing the reasons why you are a reject would be devestating to you. Well here they are:

  1. You're inconsiderate, rude, and obnoxious. I don't like people who call at all hours and leave ultimatums about our relationship. I find it smothering and it shows a deep lack of trust on your part, and that hurts my feelings.
  2. Your sense of self-worth is dependent entirely on what others think of you. Consequently you cling to relationships even LONG after your lover has lost interest in you. And why has he you ask? Probably because you've driven him insane with your "If you really loved me you'd know what to do right now and if I have to tell you it must mean you hate me!" attitude. If you can't be happy by yourself you're just going destroy the spirit of whoever you're with.
  3. Your little "Boobs wiggle booty shake" routine might get you whatever you want from other men, but all you'll get out of me is a laugh. You have no power here be gone!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Malcontent in the Middle

As of late I've notice an alarming increase in the number of morons in Colorado Springs. There seems to be a cluster effect around this time of the year and I think I've figured it out. Morons, being dullards, are naturally uncreative and pick the same time of the year to travel because their primative herd instinct instructs them too. This is quite a problem because: stupid people SHOULD NOT travel.

How to tell if you're a stupid idiot moron who should not travel:

1. You say things like, "Reservations? We don't need no stinking reservations" and just expect that every hotel is leaving a room vacant just in case you decide to grace them with your presence.

2. You think its a good idea to pack 5 kids, all under the age of 7, into a car and drive from your hickville hometown to someplace 1,000 miles away you've never been before. Kids are by definition: irritating to everyone around them. They're messy, greasy/sticky, smelly, and screechy. If you must travel may we suggest putting them up for adoption first?

3. All coupons are "based on availability" they are not advertisements. If a store offers a coupon for 1/2 price off a certain make and brand of stereo and they are sold out of them by the time you get you throw a fit and stomp your feet and scream, "THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!"? No, you'd simply drive to the next Target or Walmart. And guess what? That's the same thing you get to do with hotels till you find one that will take your cheap wrinkled butt; don't be surprised if they rent by the hour.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I see you found my Underground, help yourself to Guns and Ammo

Its another rainy grey day. You know what that means: time for another deeply pensive blog entry in which I ponder the meaning of the universe. Oh lucky you!This morning (before I awoke the second time) I dreampt that I was the mutant Magneto. And while it was cool to be able to sense and manipulate the electromagnetic fields around me my over-all impression of the dream was that that was merely incidental. A friend of mine insists that I was reading too much into the X-Men movies and comic books. But I contend that the series is a metaphor for a variety of minority rights issues (which broaches on allegory to misuse a definition). So much so that you'd have to have blinders on not to see it.

One of the recurring themes is the Magneto character's preoccupation with preserving "his kind". This is somewhat of a concern of mine as well although it would take some serious crisis for me to consider taking thing's to Magneto's extremes. Magneto believes in the supremacy of the Mutants over "normal" human beings. While this is in-and-of itself an appealing premise it can lead to the same megalomaniacal complex which spawned the Nazi party's belief in Aryan supremacy. This is a curious mindset for Magneto to have as he suffered under the Nazi's and had direct insight into their brutality. Yet, he adopts many of the same tactics and this ultimately leads to the same end: attempted genocide.

I think the point of Magneto is to show how the desire to protect one's own kind needs to be tempered with respect and tolerance of others who are NOT your own kind. This is a lesson everyone should learn. Unfortunately we live in a political and social climate wherein the mere act of asserting your differences is an affront to others. Such a response is bound to generate resentment amongst those who are "on the outs" with our culture. Who can blame them? How would you like to be called "the enemy" in the "Culture War" and to be accused of attempting to destroy a nation? Especially when you never bore any malice toward anyone? What's important is our response. Do we claim to be "better" than our enemies but feel justified in giving them a taste of their own medicine? Or do we actually take a morally positive position and prove how superior we are?


Show your Colors!


Showing "her" colors this morning was:

The Underground

In downtown Colorado Springs. Oh yes you heard me right. There is a gay bar in the capitol of the United States of Fundamentalist Wackjobs. Actually if you want to get technical there are three gay bars in total in this city. One is a lesbian bar which holds little interest for me (for obvious reasons) except if I want to get my ass handed to me in a round of pool by a bunch of scary women. And the other...well lets not really get into that place. Suffice-it-to-say: its become rather seedy. Or rather, it has a reputation as such. Is it deserved? Maybe. Never-the-less I will and have in the past, gone to The Underground. Perhaps I will go this Sunday after Gay Pride in the Springs.
See you there maybe.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

People Watching

This morning at the hotel I saw a Dork and four of his little dorklings come in. OMG this guy was a huge Dork, let me tell you. Looked like a middle-aged Harry Potter. And his kids? Looked like Revenge of the Nerds: the grade school years. I swear they were totally stereotypical. I wanted to take a picture but I thought that probably would have been rude. One of them even got a bloody nose. All that was missing of course was the Nerd Matriarch. I specifically remember saying to myself, "I have GOT to see this woman for myself," when in she waltzed. She was a frumpy, tree-hugging-looking, earth-muffin who squinted through thick glasses and said, "Good 'Moyning'!" with a buck-toothed smile. With a grin from ear-to-ear I said, "and good morning to you ma'am," not because I was particularly happy to see her but because she fit the mental image I had of her...PERFECTLY!

Automechanery 101

The other morning when I left for work I noticed a sign posted next to my car. I stopped briefly to read it. "No Parking on 7-7-07 after 6AM by order of the CSPD". How curious. The last time they blocked off the street like that was during the St. Patrick's day parade. At that time I just moved my car onto Weber St. which was not closed. However at that time I also had a functioning car. This time around my car had two acute problems. One: (critical) the battery had died long ago, and two: the original reason it had been sitting there, the busted CV Joint.
Yesterday (July 6th) I started to panic. I thought to myself, "well, I'll just jump start the car and drive it around to the other side of the block" clunking and shuddering and all. So I went out there after work and tried to do a jumpstart from Dustin's car. I got all the cables hooked up, hopped into my car, turn the key and *click* nothing. Undaunted I double checked the connections, none were loose or on in the wrong position so I tried the key again. *Click* again nothing. So I thought, "Well no problem, we'll just put it in neutral and push it into the driveway for tonight, and push it back in the morning." So I tried to shift into neutral, but it was stuck in Park. By this point I was positively crestfallen, how was I going to move my car? I can't afford $80 just to tow it around the block. Defeated I went around to the front to unhook the jumper cables, that was when I noticed the positive lead on one half the cable was corroded to the point that it was about to fall off. Further inspection revealed that the plastic grips on both the negative leads were melted. Then it dawned on me; perhaps someone had improperly cross-circuited the cable before...maybe its just the cable that's crummy. So I drove Dustin's car to Walmart and bought a new "booster" cable for $8, connected it, turned the key and by golly the car started just like it always had; like it hadn't even been sitting for 3 months. I drove it around to the other side of the block and parked it. I decided to let it idle for a while BUT of course after about an hour it cut-off (out of gas). As I recall in the days prior to putting it on suspension I had driven it on "empty" for about 3 days. That is easy to fix since there's a gas station up the block so its no big deal.

Friday, July 6, 2007

A Trip to the Paunch Shop

I've made up my mind about something. It is finally time to do something about my beer-belly. Unfortunately doing "something" will require two old standbys both of which are equally loathsome: diet and exercise. Specifically this will mean altering my diet and exercising more. And by "more" I mean "at all, because I am one lazy sonofagun when it comes to exercise. My goal? Lose the paunch which stubbornly hangs around my lower abdomen. Or at the very least reduce through the magic of illusion its profile :)

Fortunately I'm not totally without a leg up in this endeavor. After many years of research into the matter I have developed a diet plan that is guaranteed to work without exercise. Yes I know you've heard this claim a million times already. Well frankly I don't care what you've heard and I'm not going to share the particulars with you anyway. I will say (with deep reservation) that Atkins was at least partially right. He was just coincidentally right though. Protein does seem to be the keystone.

The dirty little secret about the Atkins diet though: it reduces calories just like any other diet, sometimes drastically so. "But it works! Carbs are the enemy!" of course it works you dolt! All diets work through the same principle of taking in fewer calories than your body needs thus forcing your body to draw energy from fat stores. "But carbs...starches...ketosis...cutting them that's what does the work!" Once again, you're not telling me anything I don't already know.

Consider this,

Protein: 4 calories per gram.
Carbohydrates: 4 calories per gram.
Fat: 9 calories per gram.

Most foods contain some balance of all three groups lets assume for the sake of argument that the ratios are correct on a macro scale. In otherwords if you need and consume 2500 calories per day 23.5% would come from protein, 23.5% from carbs, and 52% from fats. If you cut your carb intake 90% (as you do during Atkins) you wind up trimming about 530 calories from your 2500 calorie diet. Hey guess what that means! That's right: lower calorie diet.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Here's to swimmin with Bow-legged women!

A lot of you (my loyal readers) have been asking, "how do you divide your day Trevor?" Well you're very kind to ask.

Typically I will wake up two or three times before 6:00AM. I enjoy the comfort of knowing, "Hey you know what? I can still sleep for another hour." After which I will awake in a panic at 5:55AM, throw the covers off, and make a dash for the shower. I suppose if I were to start going to bed earlier I could wake up sooner and have time for a cup of coffee and some breakfast (for once)...but that's just too Poor Richard's Almanac for me. Besides, there's coffee at work. I'd quit if there wasn't.

After that work takes up a large chunk of my morning. I work at a hotel in a semi-rough part of town here in Colorado Springs. I say semi-rough because its really just economically depressed. To hear my guests describe it you'd think the hotel was in the middle of the Watts District; however I always consider the source. When the description comes from an overweight aging housewife who hasn't left the suburbs in 20 years and doesn't even have the courtesy to make up her face in the morning THEN it is suspect.

After a brief 8-hour intermission work is over and I go home. Usually I catch the free-shuttle back. Sometimes Ben picks me up and takes me back to my house. On days when Ben is working (by the way Ben and I are dating) I will typically stop by Starbucks after work and enjoy a Hazelnut latte and a snickerdoodle cookie. The latte because I'm a caffeine junkie, and the snickerdoodle because its just fun to say. Occasionally I'll go for Falafel except on days when I'm broke and then its strictly coffee...must have coffee...GIVE ME COFFEE!

Starbucks is an interesting affair here in...I guess you would call Colorado the "west". People out here while hopelessly addicted to the substance don't elevate coffee to the same level as they do in the Pacific Northwest (including Alaska). In Colorado you might be served a B-A-D bad cup of coffee, but you choke it down anyway in silence. In Seattle a little melodrama would ensue. You would take a sip and say, "Ohhhhh this is just terrible! Its watered down, the coffee has scorched and the milk is lukewarm!" then you'd pass the cup around to all your friends to sip so they can express their disdain and sympathy. Once you have sufficiently berated the coffee in front of everyone in the shop you'd bring it up to the counter and tell the barista everything that was dissapointing about the coffee and why he doesn't deserve to wear the green frock. Your barista would then hang his head in shame while he remade your double-shot latte: half regular half non-fat, sugarfree vanilla, no whip but extra foam; then he would go into the back and commit sepuku. Next week there would be someone new at the counter to screw up your order. Colorado Springs? Not so much.

But I digress. After my mid-afternoon jaunt to downtown I typically return home where I am frequently welcomed by my roommate Dustin and one bad kitty named Trouble. Her method of welcoming involves: meowing straight for about five minutes followed by digging her claws into the back of the leather sofa. Then she follows me around the house until I pick her up and muss up her fur. Then she's good for about an hour.

After that I feed either my World of Warcraft addiction OR if World of Warcraft is offline for maintainence (about 50% of the time) I feed my strategy game addiction which currently is sated by Command & Conquer 3. After that anything goes. If its monday or tuesday I usually hang out with Ben. Wednesday through Sunday is kind of a draw and I do whatever the heck I feel like.

Some of my favorite haunts:

Poor Richard's Bookstore/Coffee shop/Pizza: cause I mean come on! There's books, coffee, and pizza.

East Coast Delicatessen: great food, huge portions, low-ish price.

Starbucks: Naturally.

The Pita Pit: to feed my sometimes insane craving for Falafel.

Border's Bookstore: I like that they let you sit around reading the books as long as you like and nobody bothers you to purchase. That's probably because they're really, really lazy there.

Bed, Bath & Beyond: cause I like looking at impractical albeit attractive furniture and accessories.

Home Depot: I like to think about the dreamhouse I want to build in which I can put all the impractical furniture I buy from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

The World Market: its like Bed, Bath & Beyond only they have African inspired furniture...which I find hideous. And not like leopard skinned underwear hideous, or 1970's themed end-table hideous which are kinda cool. Just plain hideous. What kind of person would buy that crap? Oh yeah, someone with no taste. Speaking of taste, its the only place I know of in Colorado Springs where you can buy ligonberry sauce, a favorite of mine.

Look around town. You're bound to run into me from time-to-time...statistically speaking of course.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Hope and Prey

It was a rainy, cloudy afternoon today. I find rain to be a real treat down here in Colorado Springs. Mainly because I grew up in Ketchikan where an average yearly rainfall was measured in feet instead of inches. It has been in the 80's and 90's for the past week so it was a bit of a relief when the clouds rolled in.

As often happens when there is a weather change my mood changed as well. This time I was thrown into a pensive mood. I decided to go for a walk downtown. I wound up at the East Coast Delicatessan, one of my favorite joints. It was there as I was helping myself to some potato salad that I realized suddenly: Fundamental Christianity no longer exists in the United States and the abomination that sits in its place Civil-Christianity will soon be dead and buried.

I always thought that it would be my people who put the final nail in the coffin of corrupt psuedo-christian civil religion. However in my cynical state I never thought I would live to see it. In the end it came down to one inescapable reality: It really is US vs. THEM. And really when thought out it comes down to the Religious Reich's supposed "right" to continue to denigrate and persecute my people, and our right to say, "No we're not going to put up with that anymore"

Many gay people like to point the 1968 Stonewall Riots as the watershed moment in our collective history. However I see Stonewall as a mostly symptomatic reaction of any oppressed people group. Eventually all persecuted people reach a point where they have had enough, have nothing else to lose, and will rebel regardless of the consequences. American history is replete with such examples. This is just and right; no one rights should be trampled just to satisfy the lust others have for political power.

But as I said earlier I believe that civil Christianity is on its way out of the American Political landscape, the sooner the better. However don't get me wrong, actual real Christianity will remain vibrant and a part of the American cultural ethos just as it always has. This is also just and right in my opinion. The trouble with civil religion (of all types) is that it commits adultery with the government. The result is a bastardization of religious beliefs. Consequently you have the incongruous nature of Conservative Christianity, which teaches "charity only inasmuch as you get off your lazy tax-sucking welfare ass you unwed hussy!"

Full gay acceptance is an idea who's time may have finally come. There will of course be the usually screeching histrionics, gnashing of teeth and grasping at straws but I would pay them no mind. They are merely the death throes of moral cowards.


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Back Fatty Bo Batty

So there I was behind the front desk of the hotel, minding my own business, when I heard the front door open. So I stood up and went to the counter to see who it was. A man was standing in the doorway. This is not unusual except that he was holding the door handle, just kind of leaning against the door and was breathing heavily.
I asked,

"Sir? Are you doing alright?" He didn't answer but began shuffling to the counter. When he had crossed the foyer he finally spoke.

"I'm having, a bit of a problem here..." *wheeze* *cough*

"I can see you're having some trouble breathing, shall I call the hospital?" I asked. He took a deep breath, swallowed and said,

"No, no, I'll be alright. I've just had the wind knocked out of me. Ummmmm...this is kind of embarassing...but I've broken your shower."

See the damage for yourself:

At this point I think it only fair to point out that this man was not some athletic soldier type who would look good with his shirt off. I point it out because, well, he felt in necessary to take off his shirt, in the lobby of the hotel, in full view of the guests in the dining room, to show me the bruise he would have. It was a nightmare A NIGHTMARE I tell you! Dude had back boobies...seriously it was scary.

Not only that but of course he looked to be wearing a dark wool sweater what with all the back hair. It was grizzly. *shudders*

Friday, June 22, 2007

Famous people I know

Today I was thrilled to learn that we now have Wanda Sykes working for us as a housekeeper. Actually no it was not her. That would have been cool though. Our new housekeeper's name is Debra, and even though she's not really a famous comedienne she is a really nice person who is eager to work. And she does bear a striking resemblance to Wanda. Moreover she actually has housekeeping experience (3+ years) and she showed up...which is actually a really good indicator of reliability in this industry.
Having reliable housekeepers is like having wireless broadband internet access, cable, or fresh coffee. Its something you never think about until its gone. And boy oh boy do you miss it. I was getting tired of folding linens and towels in addition to my regular duties at the front desk; actually I never did mind it that much cause it was good mindless busy-work and I could watch TV. I still screw up while folding the fitted king-size sheets though, they look like crap.
Anyway, just thought you should know about the famous people I know.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 issues

All-in-all I'm pleased with the overall functionality of's blogging system. I do have one complaint however and that's how hard it is to log in to your own blog without Java enabled. There should just be a general log in page. Go ahead and keep the java tab if you like just make a regular forms version available for us mobile users.

Oh did I forget to mention that I'm typing this on my cell phone? That's right I DO possess advanced technology. Oddly enough my cellphone contains a complete web-browser which is java-enabled. However as with all things nothing is perfect. The Java login section appears off-screen to the right and I can't jump to the part where you put in your username.

How am I typing this now? There's a curious inconsistency in Blogger that allows you to log in whilst posting a comment to someone's blog. I posted a comment on my own blog et voila! I'm logged in. Now I should stay logged in until the next time I reset my phone.

Oh well.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Wow people!

Hey hey,

Wow I'm amazed at how far behind I am in the quality of my blog. Just look at the dull layout and bad picture quality. Ugh, I'm disgusted! Anyway I'm currently adding a list of people that I used to know in Ketchikan to my collection of blogs. I'm calling this list "The Dredge Report" since I'm dredging up everyone from the past. Yes I know its blatant plagarism of the DrudgeReport. I dont care...the DrudgeReport is boring anyway.

I think that I may just have to break down and invest in a better quality digital camera. Amazingly the "low-quality" digital camera that comes standard in my T-Mobile Sidekick II is actually better the the "High-quality" digital camera that comes standard in the T-Mobile Sidekick III's unit. I know I did a side-by-side comparison with Ben since he has the Sidekick III. Either the camera sucks or Ben has some greasy fingers touching the lense or something.

Anyway, since I am driven to be the best at whatever I do you will soon find your blogs inferior to mine.



Hello all,

I'm Trevor. Its a pleasure to meet me. Over the next few months/years you'll have the pleasure of getting to know me and my unique and always correct world view. I hope that you will enjoy reading my blog. I hope so...for your sake because if you don't it means you are a subintelligent.