Sunday, July 22, 2007

Malcontent in the Middle

As of late I've notice an alarming increase in the number of morons in Colorado Springs. There seems to be a cluster effect around this time of the year and I think I've figured it out. Morons, being dullards, are naturally uncreative and pick the same time of the year to travel because their primative herd instinct instructs them too. This is quite a problem because: stupid people SHOULD NOT travel.

How to tell if you're a stupid idiot moron who should not travel:

1. You say things like, "Reservations? We don't need no stinking reservations" and just expect that every hotel is leaving a room vacant just in case you decide to grace them with your presence.

2. You think its a good idea to pack 5 kids, all under the age of 7, into a car and drive from your hickville hometown to someplace 1,000 miles away you've never been before. Kids are by definition: irritating to everyone around them. They're messy, greasy/sticky, smelly, and screechy. If you must travel may we suggest putting them up for adoption first?

3. All coupons are "based on availability" they are not advertisements. If a store offers a coupon for 1/2 price off a certain make and brand of stereo and they are sold out of them by the time you get you throw a fit and stomp your feet and scream, "THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!"? No, you'd simply drive to the next Target or Walmart. And guess what? That's the same thing you get to do with hotels till you find one that will take your cheap wrinkled butt; don't be surprised if they rent by the hour.

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