Thursday, August 26, 2010

Would the Zombie Apocalypse actually be that bad?

The other day Ben came home from work exhausted. The first word out of his mouth was

"Ugh!" When I asked him what was the matter he said, "work was terrible! I hate my job, I spent all day listening to people whine." I said,

"Well that sounds a lot like my job."

"It is your job, I may as well quit and work there." he replied. Jokingly I asked,

"Well would you rather work on a crab boat out in the Bering Sea for a living?". You see I had deliberatly picked one of the worst most back-breaking dangerous jobs in America. Ben was supposed to say, 'Hell no', and then I would say 'then obviously you don't hate your job that much'. Instead he actually took an uncomfortable pause to think about it.

"Uhh, I was just kidding" I said,

"I know...I'm thinking it might not be so terrible in comparison." Fortunately for Ben (and me) it is still way too early for crab season. Still it got me to thinking. What if it comes down to it and crab fishing or living aboard a ship in some remote part of the world is the only way to survive?

Those of you who know me well know of my affinity for "Zombie Apocalypse" type literature and movies. And I think what it really boils down to is my abject loathing for most of what current American society has to offer and my half-desire to see it all destroyed and rebuilt. To be honest though I really never gave much thought to the idea of an actual Zombie Apocalypse until an Undying Ghoul and a mindless Zombie came close to being elected President and Vice-President of the United States respectively. I speak of course of John McCain and his minion: Caribou Barbie.

Thankfully their wicked plans were thwarted by the electorate before any of their brain-dead initiatives could be set in motion. However as we've seen that didn't stop the hordes of mindless scum affectionately termed "Tea-baggers" from running rampant virtually unchallenged over the whole country. Since their agenda is nothing more than re-branded Conservative Republicanism I don't expect a whole lot from them. After all re-branded Conservative Republicanism was what George Bush offered (along with virulent gay-baiting) and the voters soundly rejected those principles.

This time around the Tea-Baggers offer the same old Republican crap mixed with virulently anti-immigrant racism. As with Zombies however they're more dangerous than they at first appear and should not be underestimated. That plodding moaning slowly decaying cadaver, seemingly devoid of conscious thought or reason, could suddenly spring to life and vote for Rand Paul with little or no warning.

If elected in droves their policies could set the stage for the final collapse of the bloated corpse that is the United States. Which brings me to my main point: the Zombie Apocalypse...would it be so bad?

Lets say for the sake of argument Tea-bagger candidates sweep the November 2010 elections in the House and Senate, gaining majorities in both houses. What would you do? I for one wouldn't want to be governed by crazy religious nutjobs who's first order of business will be rolling back the progress of gay rights. "Oh but Trevor," you say, "Didn't you see that poll a while back that showed most Tea-partiers don't care about social issues?" Why yes I did see that, but I just have one question for you: who are you going to believe? Me? or your lying eyes? The economy and Terrorism were the big issues in 2003-2004 but it didn't stop record numbers of religious fundamentalist idiots from turning out at the polls to ban same-sex marriage.

I guarantee that if the Tea-Baggers win it won't be long before they're seeking to make Teh Gheys, the Mexicans and the A-rabs their new scapegoats. Why? Fail-economic policy-fails. If it didn't work under Reagan or Bush what makes them think tax cuts for the wealthy will work now? The answer is that it won't and we'll be in no better shape (and probably worse shape) than we are now. Rather than admit that a zero regulation free-market doesn't work they'll instead turn to divisive issues like the Federal Marriage Amendment and repeal of the 14th Amendment. All in a cynical effort to keep stupid idiot Tea-Party voters in a panicked frenzy so they won't think about the real problems with America.

I for one won't live in a country that adds a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution. And I would encourage all of you who truly love freedom to think about leaving. It won't be long before the mindless horde of Tea-Bagger Zombies comes for you.

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