Sunday, January 6, 2008

New Year's Resolutions (Part One)

Good afternoon. Many of you are probably interested in what my final list of New Year's
Resolutions actually are. I can't say that I blame you considering that I hyped them so much in my previous entry. Well here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 (in no particular order)

Lose weight/exercise more. This has become such a common New Year's Resolution these days that it should more properly be called THE New Year's Mantra. I'm sure 90% of you have at one point at least attempted to lose weight and exercise. Where you failed (miserably) I intend to succeed.

The key to any successful weight loss and exercise program is: motivation. Motivation is in turn triggered by both desire and fear. For example: I desire to be pleasing to the eye
whilst wearing a bathing suit, and fear being a bloated lazy slob who votes Republican and who dines exclusively at 'All-you-can-eat" buffets. Yes, motivation is the key to weight-loss but keys only unlock doors. You still have to walk through them or there is no point.

If motivation is the key that opens the door to weight-loss and exercise, then the door you walk though is undoubtedly: your strategy. We all know that they're tons of diet programs out there. You are probably asking yourself, "What plan is right for Trevor?". The answer may surprise you: none of them are. All diet plans are just gimmicks. I'll explain why.

One diet plan says "Carbs are the enemy, cut them out", the other says, "Meat is the enemy, become a vegetarian" and still another says, "Fat is the enemy, avoid fat like the plague". Each version is simultaneously correct and utterly misguided. There is really only one enemy: calories. And each version of a diet plan accomplishes the same task, namely reducing caloric intake. In the end the only responsible diet plan that works effectively EVERY time is one which causes you to burn more calories as energy than you absorb from food.

Can you lose weight by eating low-fat/fat free? Sure...but you'll be agonizing over every pat of butter, every slice of cheese, and live in mortal fear that your turkey sandwich may have real mayonnaise on it. The same is true for each diet plan, it just remains a question of what you want to give up.

But just consider for a moment that there is a diet plan out there that allows you to eat whatever you want and still lose weight. "What is this miracle diet plan? How much for your book!?" you ask. "Surely there's some magical pill you can swallow and just poop your fat away". Well there is such a diet but the truth of it may be harder to swallow than any diarrhea-inducing horse-pill.

Eat whatever you like, but eat half of what you would normally eat. Cut your hamburger in half and divide the french fries into equal piles. If you like: give the other half to your buddy so you don't feel so bad about "wasting" food. Or you can save the rest for lunch tomorrow. Or if necessary dump it down the garbage disposal. Then eat your meal, enjoy it, savor every bite and replace that "OMG I just ate 30 grams of carbohydrates I RUINED my Atkins diet!" attitude with a smug sense of self-satisfaction.

"But but, half a hamburger that's not enough, I'll still be hungry afterwards!". Tsk tsk, that's just your fat brain talking. Fact is: even half a burger is probably too much for such a sedentary slob, be grateful you’re getting anything at all!

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