Have a safe trip, see you next fall!

It has been a busy couple weeks in the House of Trevor. For those of you that aren't familiar with the industry Labor Day weekend is like the "High Holidays" for the hotels. That is to say for those in the hotels that rely on the summer vacation season for income. Financially the hotel seems to be doing better this Labor day than we did over the two prior. That's not saying much since we're still not doing as well as we could or should be. Worries about the economy ruined our season last year. Worries about the rediculous $5.00+ "NOOOOOOO we can't explore alternative energy sources or the terrrists win!" gas prices ruined us the year prior. Still its a source of cautious optimism for me.

Labor day it seems, is also the time of year I start to reflect on the previous year's events both personal and in general. This is likely due to the almost immediate change in the weather and the start of the seasonal changes that occur, quite reliably, after labor day. There is much to reminisce about.

For one thing it occurs to me that Ben and I will have been together as a couple since January 2006. As I count it, this January will be the start of our 4th year together assuming my math is correct (and I was never very good at math). This is quite a milestone to be sure, but it blows the top off my previous record for a relationship which was one off-again, OFF-again year with an immature butthead. It seems until I met Ben there were very few guys who would be willing to tolerate my nonsense, and even fewer of those I could stand. I think that it is safe to say that Ben and I have a future together. What our future legal status as a couple might be is a matter of some conjecture.

Currently there are five states in the United States that give legal recognition to same-sex marriages as well as the District of Columbia. The big story on the Gay Marriage front this year was the case brought against Proposition 8 in California. Federal Judge Vaughn Walker ruled Prop 8 (which banned same-sex marriage) was unconstitutional. This ruling is significant for two reasons. For one it is the first time a state constitutional amendment has been challenged under the Federal Constitution and was successfully overturned. Second, it establishes the legal framework for overturning ALL such state amendments and the Orwellianly named "Defense of Marriage Act" in the US Supreme Court.

The Prop 8 trial was controversial in other ways as well. Did you know: many of the national level Gay-rights groups were opposed to bringing the case to court so soon after Prop 8 was passed? Groups like the HRC ostensibly opposed the court action fearing a possible backlash against GLBT citizens. It now appears that these caviar and champagne swilling "respectable" gays actually only feared losing their invitation to Whitehouse parties. Those uppity peon-gays in California should just be pleased they have a black president who pays them lip-service now and then and invites wealthy gay snobs to parties at the Whitehouse. If average gays ever did win full equality the lobbyists would be out of a job. They certainly didn't expect the gays to actually win the case.

Deliciously this early and unexpected victory also confounds the Fundamentalist idiot crowd at the same time. Regardless of the outcome of the original Prop 8 trial it was a foregone conclusion that there would be an appeal to the 9th Circuit court. But this puts the Fundies in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. IF they had not appealed Judge Walker's ruling to the 9th Circuit it would have been very likely that same-sex marriage would have become legal in California by the end of September. That is anethema to them of course BUT the "outbreak" of homosexual ""marriage"" would have at least been contained to California. However they also can't NOT challenge it to the 9th Circuit because in their warped little minds this means they tacitly approve of same-sex marriage.

As incovenient a plebian-gay victory might be for the Tea and crumpet crowds' endless cocktail party of campaign contributions, it would be a DISASTER for religious fundamentalists who would be facing the dismantling of years of their bigoted "Marriage Protection" amendments at the hands of the courts. To think? All those years wasted! All those squandered church donations that could have gone to feed and clothe the poor instead, rendered utterly meaningless with one court ruling? Why I almost feel sorry for them...not. Folks like Maggie "the Hutt" Gallagher and fukwits like James Dobson made their bed years ago and now they blow it out their ass.

Trevor on Ken Mehlman (yeah he wishes)

So in case you haven't heard the news Ken Mehlman (pictured) came out of the closet the other day. Who's Ken Mehlman you ask? That was my question when Ben sent me a text message announcing him 'Out'. And that he now wanted to help the Gay Community. Quite a change of heart if you ask me because at one time Mehlman was the Chairman of the Republican National Committee and was George Bush II's campaign manager during the 2004 election season.

To be quite honest I didn't know that he was chairman and probably wouldn't have cared (another Republican guy caught with a dick in his mouth, ho-hum) but the most curious aspect about the whole story is that it turns out Mehlman was one of the most virulently anti-gay policy-wonks of all time.

Ben framed it this way: "So now after leading a campaign to destroy the lives of gays and lesbians all over the United States with gay marriage bans in 2004 we're just supposed to graciously welcome him to the gay community with open arms? I don't think so". Ben poses an interesting dilemma. At what point has someone done so much damage to himself and others that he can no longer be redeemed? Religious fundamentalists will tell you that even the worst murderer can be saved if he asks Jesus for forgiveness. Now that may be, but Jesus is probably more forgiving than the Gay community at large.

It may cement in your mind how much of a geek I am but I was watching an episode of Degrassi High which dealt with this exact issue the morning that the Mehlman story broke. The character of Riley Stavross (right) is just such an individual. Closeted, fearful of being outed, and disgusted by other students who are "out and proud". Degrassi may be a silly teen drama (and Ben please, no teasing, you read books about teenage vampires...I've seen them) BUT it drives home a point about internalized Homophobia - it often causes the extremely closeted self-hating gay person to lash out and seek to cause harm to those who are not in the closet. AND I think the fundamental reason for this is resentment on the part of the homophobe. They used to call Homosexuality a mental disorder but I think that the person with extreme internalized homophobia is a much more obvious candidate for psychotherapy.

In a twisted sort of way it makes sense. Very often people are most critical of the "flaws" they see in others when they realize they themselves suffer the same flaw. Usually every gay person experiences a certain degree of internalized homophobia. I did when I was a teenager and in my early 20's. It is a reaction to external expectations about your sexual orientation that deep down you know you can never meet. The reasons vary from person to person. Sometimes you grew up in a fundamentalist church where the worst thing you could be was a homosexual. Sometimes your family has expectations that you'll "settle down with some nice gal and pop out the grand kids", or you live in a community were open homosexuals are persecuted. I grew up under these three circumstances.

Whatever the reason though internalized homophobia is the little anti-gay conscience that says, "you know, the guys on the football team would never accept you if they found out you were gay. You should probably beat up those faggy drama class geeks to show them how you don't secretly have a hopeless crush on the guy playing Romeo in the class play". Unfortunately this kind of high-school mentality seems to have been carried over into the Republican party, the military, professional sports, and a host of other public institutions.

The reason Ken Mehlman worked so hard to crush his fellow gay and lesbian's rights is precisely because his self imposed rigidly heterosexual persona was threatened by them and that turned him into the bitter old hack he is today. You see the homophobe's self-identity becomes consumed by an almost neurotic need to demonstrate to others that they are not homosexual. But the effect is two-fold as the homophobe's neurosis eventually progresses to the point where they have to "prove" to themselves that they are not homosexual in order to maintain their self-deceptive identity. The homophobe buys into the mistaken belief that he cannot be happy and self-fulfilled if he has homosexual desires and tendencies (since "normal" people don't have them and I have to be "normal" to be accepted and happy) and this is of course reinforced by observing intolerant classmates, family members and clergy being abusive of homosexuals.

These self-hating gays almost always give in to "temptation" (so to speak) at some point and this creates quite the emotional dilemma. The human desire for physical and emotional intimacy with another is undeniably powerful even for self-denying homosexuals. Despite the claims of the Anti-gay Conservative Christian lobby homosexual desires (like heterosexual and bisexual desires) are innate and immutable. So the self-hater comes to realize (even if its only a nagging suspicion in the back of his mind) that even if he is able to successfully mate with a female she can never satisfy that desire for physical and emotional intimacy like his trysts with men can, regardless of how brief or anonymous they may be.

It infuriates people like Ken Mehlman to see stable, happy same-sex couples because upon reflection they realize they've made the wrong choice. Rather than praise said same-sex couples for making the right choice Mehlman chose to punish them with same-sex marriage bans because they had the audacity to shatter his misconceptions about his own sexuality.

Can Ken Mehlman be redeemed and become a positive force for Gay Rights? I tend to disagree with Ben on this idea; that's right, same-sex couples have disagreements just like opposite-sex couples. Ben thinks its too late, the damage is done, and what-more Mehlman seems to think that just because he's out now he deserves our unconditional support.

Granted it is irksome when some self-important bigot suddenly expects to be your friend just because he changed his mind. But, Ted Olson was arguably no friend to gays when he argued before the Supreme Court and ultimately succeeded in electing George Bush in 2000. He however had a change of heart and succeeded in overturning Prop 8 and is fully committed to overturning all same-sex marriage bans in all 50 states. He may turn out to be the most important straight ally we've ever had.

So at the risk of tarnishing my image as a natural born cynic I'm going to say you never know who might do the right thing in the end. It will take a lot of hard work for Ken Mehlman to undo the damage he's already done and he may never succeed. I give him credit for this much at least: He came out publicly. Once you're out of the closet you can never go back in.

Would the Zombie Apocalypse actually be that bad?

The other day Ben came home from work exhausted. The first word out of his mouth was

"Ugh!" When I asked him what was the matter he said, "work was terrible! I hate my job, I spent all day listening to people whine." I said,

"Well that sounds a lot like my job."

"It is your job, I may as well quit and work there." he replied. Jokingly I asked,

"Well would you rather work on a crab boat out in the Bering Sea for a living?". You see I had deliberatly picked one of the worst most back-breaking dangerous jobs in America. Ben was supposed to say, 'Hell no', and then I would say 'then obviously you don't hate your job that much'. Instead he actually took an uncomfortable pause to think about it.

"Uhh, I was just kidding" I said,

"I know...I'm thinking it might not be so terrible in comparison." Fortunately for Ben (and me) it is still way too early for crab season. Still it got me to thinking. What if it comes down to it and crab fishing or living aboard a ship in some remote part of the world is the only way to survive?

Those of you who know me well know of my affinity for "Zombie Apocalypse" type literature and movies. And I think what it really boils down to is my abject loathing for most of what current American society has to offer and my half-desire to see it all destroyed and rebuilt. To be honest though I really never gave much thought to the idea of an actual Zombie Apocalypse until an Undying Ghoul and a mindless Zombie came close to being elected President and Vice-President of the United States respectively. I speak of course of John McCain and his minion: Caribou Barbie.

Thankfully their wicked plans were thwarted by the electorate before any of their brain-dead initiatives could be set in motion. However as we've seen that didn't stop the hordes of mindless scum affectionately termed "Tea-baggers" from running rampant virtually unchallenged over the whole country. Since their agenda is nothing more than re-branded Conservative Republicanism I don't expect a whole lot from them. After all re-branded Conservative Republicanism was what George Bush offered (along with virulent gay-baiting) and the voters soundly rejected those principles.

This time around the Tea-Baggers offer the same old Republican crap mixed with virulently anti-immigrant racism. As with Zombies however they're more dangerous than they at first appear and should not be underestimated. That plodding moaning slowly decaying cadaver, seemingly devoid of conscious thought or reason, could suddenly spring to life and vote for Rand Paul with little or no warning.

If elected in droves their policies could set the stage for the final collapse of the bloated corpse that is the United States. Which brings me to my main point: the Zombie Apocalypse...would it be so bad?

Lets say for the sake of argument Tea-bagger candidates sweep the November 2010 elections in the House and Senate, gaining majorities in both houses. What would you do? I for one wouldn't want to be governed by crazy religious nutjobs who's first order of business will be rolling back the progress of gay rights. "Oh but Trevor," you say, "Didn't you see that poll a while back that showed most Tea-partiers don't care about social issues?" Why yes I did see that, but I just have one question for you: who are you going to believe? Me? or your lying eyes? The economy and Terrorism were the big issues in 2003-2004 but it didn't stop record numbers of religious fundamentalist idiots from turning out at the polls to ban same-sex marriage.

I guarantee that if the Tea-Baggers win it won't be long before they're seeking to make Teh Gheys, the Mexicans and the A-rabs their new scapegoats. Why? Fail-economic policy-fails. If it didn't work under Reagan or Bush what makes them think tax cuts for the wealthy will work now? The answer is that it won't and we'll be in no better shape (and probably worse shape) than we are now. Rather than admit that a zero regulation free-market doesn't work they'll instead turn to divisive issues like the Federal Marriage Amendment and repeal of the 14th Amendment. All in a cynical effort to keep stupid idiot Tea-Party voters in a panicked frenzy so they won't think about the real problems with America.

I for one won't live in a country that adds a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution. And I would encourage all of you who truly love freedom to think about leaving. It won't be long before the mindless horde of Tea-Bagger Zombies comes for you.

Before he ate the continental breakfast

He ate the continent!
Trevor

Uploading photos

This is the Blair Witch Squirrel
Trevor

I have a Dream…house.

There are some interesting things going on right now in Colorado Springs. Today is the State Democratic Convention at the World Arena. Since our hotel is within the two mile radius of the event we are naturally chock-full of guests, delegates, alternates, and otherwise. We are of course thrilled about that (money money money!). The success of this Convention in a town dominated by Right-wing Conservatives is in a word: astonishing. The World Arena seats about 10,000 patrons if memory serves. Last night during registration delegates had to wait up till about midnight to be fully registered. It follows the pattern that we have seen nationwide thus far. We’ve seen record Democrat turnouts even in states that traditionally vote Republican. On the flip-side the Republicans now barely have the energy to masturbate when McCain talks about “liberating” Iran.

Nationally the recent California Supreme Court ruling which struck down that state’s ban on same-sex marriages has gotten me thinking about issues of hearth and home. As the saying goes, “As California goes, so goes the nation” and since California is the most populous state it makes perfect sense. I fully expect every Fundamentalist Christian retard in America to try and fight the spread of same-sex marriage but I think eventually, despite the kicking and screaming, it’s going to happen.

It looks very likely that Democrats will gain seats in both houses of Congress and have a decent chance of winning the White House this November. As such the chances that the fundtards will be able to rally enough votes to sponsor a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage become exceedingly slim. Therefore it will only be a matter of time before the Supreme Court of the United States votes to overturn ALL state constitutional bans on same-sex marriage.

This raises a disturbing question: just what the heck am I supposed to tell my mother now? “Yes I know I’m 31 years old and not married mother but it’s illegal in 49 states anyway.” Welp, now that list of excuses is getting shorter. So with that in mind I’ve been thinking about the future a lot.

My parents are going to be building a new house this summer. They've already purchased a nice piece of land and they have have blueprints from a drafting company for a design they really like. They want me to come back to Ketchikan and help them build it. Building a house from the ground up has always been a dream of mine. Well to clarify building my OWN house from the ground up has always been a dream of mine. Circumstances being as they are I don't think I'll be able to get away from Colorado Springs for any length of time this summer. What I thought I would do was use my tax stimulus check and buy a home design prgram for my computer, a nice one. That way I can input my parents' houseplans into it and help them choose a decorating scheme as well as to add or remove and design elements they want. As a secondary bonus of this line of thinking I had a dream about my own not to distant future.

In the dream I saw my future home (or at least the kitchen, dining room, living room, and view). It was one of those 'lucid dreams' that you have where everything is as it is in real life and you have perfect clarity. As such I remembered the details vividly and now they are committed to memory. So what I want to do is start drafting the blueprints for my own dream house as well. Perhaps I'll publish some of the screen shots and walthrough videos on this blog.

The Inqueersition: Ask this Homosexual, phobes on notice.

One of the things that concerns me as a gay activist in this modern age is the prevalence of disinformation circulated as fact amongst the body of Christ. It is hypocritical (to say the least) to claim to uphold the word of God yet conveniently ignore one of God's ten commandments. To hear some "Christians" tell it, there is no other sin worse than love shared between two consenting adults of the same gender. Yet curiously that didn't even make the big Ten. Bearing false witness did.

It is unethical to acuse and condemn someone on the basis of unscientifically conducted "studies" that have not been peer-reviewed. It is 'bearing false witness' to prop up long discredited, erroneous research as "factual" in order to bolster an anti-gay argument. Any "Christian" who does so deliberately despite having full knowlege that the "research" in question is not the truth WILL be sent to the lake of fire as punishment.

The trouble is that although its the "Christian" leaders who are mainly responsible for being stingy with the truth, its the laity who will ultimately suffer for it. The truth ALWAYS wins out in the end. Eventually everyone reaches the conclusion that homosexuals really aren't the monsters that "Christians" make them out to be. What happens then is the individual Christian is forced into a moral dilemma. They must ask themselves, "Do I believe my pastor who says homosexuals molest most children and that they chose to become homosexual because they hate God? Or do I believe my nephew who says he's never even THOUGHT of harming a child, struggled for years to repress homosexual thoughts, and who desperately prayed for Jesus to heal him, but turned out gay anyway?" Those Christians that choose to believe the latter opinion take a step toward enlightenment. Those that choose to believe the former opinion, drink the Cool-Aid and eventually become a constant source of irritation and do harm to their fellow man, believing they are justified in Christ.

Tragically many well-meaning Christians are duped by the very people they should be able to trust the most to tell them the truth.Therefore, in an ongoing effort to mass dispel the disinformation campaign of the Religious Right I will be publishing a series of essays designed to make the truth stand out from the buzz. Each individual essay will deal with one or two commonly held beliefs of "Christians" about homosexuals and offer an explanation as to why the belief is either an: unsupported myth, partial truth, old wives' tale, or outright lie. Every effort will be made to provide external links to factual information. In cases where no conclusive evidence exists but personal testimony may suffice I will be more than happy to offer my own insights as well as to respond to questions.

L2Mouse-over me jackass...I'm a Priest!

The other day I was in the Alterac Valley staging area. I was patiently friendly-targeting and casting my Improved Divine Spirit buff when the compulsory "TABLE!!!!" shrieking started. This time the repeated yelling came from a gnome who was also jumping around like a moron. However no refreshment table was ever summoned. This is nothing but a minor annoyance in my opinion because I always stock my own food and water anyway. But apparently some people take having a mage not summon a refreshment table as seriously as being denied Communion.

When the horn sounded and the battle began I immediately received a private message: "Way to go dumbass I'm reporting you AFK. GIVE US A FUKKING TABLE NEXT TIME! L2P NOOB!" Stunned I wrote back: "Learn to read moron I'm a Priest, we don't do that spell". He was quiet after that.

Now I think I understand the source of some of the confusion. Typically Priests will dress in garments such as this:

Gold, and White, and Royal Purple seem to be pretty standard Priest diggs. And to be quite honest most Priests you encounter in the Battlegrounds will be more interested in Healing bonuses than spell damage bonuses, and will naturally gravitate toward gear of this particular style. However I was dressed thusly:

Notice my red and silver outfit. I think my character looks fabulous in it by the way. Apparently however it resembles some of the more common battle gear that Mages wear. So its certainly plausible that some folks would be initially confused but all you really have to do is hold the mouse over my character. A handy little "human Priest" information box will pop up.

So to the jackass who got all pissy without cause: Please shard all your gear that you undoubtably bought from a Korean hacker on eBay, cancel your World of Warcraft account, cancel your credit cards, move to a shack in the woods in Montana and shut the hell up for the rest of your life. Noob.

Swamp water and powdered milk

Woohoo! I have two days worth of photos in my time-lapse series. So far I don't notice much of a change (duh). I should actually redo things a bit because what I have is a slide show of my frontal, profile, and back. That's interesting but the problem is three seconds elapse before the next corresponding 'frontal' picture shows up. It could be distracting.

Anyway "Swamp water and powdered milk"...what the heck do I mean by that? Actually I'm referring to Odwalla Superfood and Whey Protein. In the morning I make a smoothy of the stuff. Superfood is actually a blend of various "wheat grasses" and fruit juices and curiously enough: spirulina algae. Spirulina is the most nutrient dense plant form known to man. Broccoli I believe is the second most nutrient dense plant form known to man. Don't get me wrong, I love broccoli, but for breakfast? No I don't think so...unless I was eating it plain by itself...then maybe. Anyway the combination of the grasses and spirulina gives the beverage a lovely puke-green color, not unlike you would find floating in a stagnant swamp somwhere. Though it leaves much to be desired in the looks department I actually find it delicious and it blends well with the second ingredient in my breakfast concoction: Whey Protein.

LOOK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, you're saying, "Oh for crying out loud you went to GNC and they sold you a line that you need this stuff to 'bulk up' you rube! Those things are just loaded with fat and calories" Well what I'm going to say is going to knock your socks off: I agree. BUT only for the fact that if you take them as an additive to a regular diet you're just wasting time digesting them. Simply adding protein on top of your regular diet won't magically cause you to put on muscle. What tends to happen is: your body absorbs the protein it needs to support tissue regeneration and...poops out the rest. So unless you are someone who enjoys a more voluminous stool I'd say skip the protein supplements. HOWEVER, protein plays a key role in controlling the starvation and hunger response. As there is a minimum number of calories required per day to support the body's metabolism (Basal Metabolic Rate) there is also a minimum amount of protein required to support day-to-day bodily functions. This amount varies from person to person but for a fella of my heighth I should take in between 70-90 grams of protein daily. For the average American slob, getting enough protein is not an issue:

Average American Slob

• Breakfast - two Sausage McMuffin's with egg, hash browns, coffee: 43grams protein.
• Lunch - Footlong Subway Club Sandwich, chips, drink: 48grams protein
• Dinner - Steak, potato, vegetable (left on plate) 52grams protein.
• Total: 143 grams protein.

Analysis: plenty of protein...plenty of impacted bowels.

Myself (above Average American Slob)

• Breakfast - coffee, glass of water, coffee: 0 grams protein.
• Lunch - coffee: 0 grams protein.
• Dinner - cookies, top Ramen, PB&J sandwiches, crackers, frozen waffles, and a Totino's Pizza (and whatever else is slower than I am): 26grams protein.
• Total: 26 grams protein.

26 grams of protein...and Heaven knows how many calories from carbohydrates, fat, and sugar. Protein intake is what triggers starvation. Trouble is its a one way trigger. In my case (since I don't get NEARLY enough daily protein) my body responds by: slowing metabolism, consuming muscle tissue (puny arms, sunken chest, chicken legs), and storing fat from whatever I do eat (spare tire). However the opposite is not true for Average American Slobs who get more than enough protein. Their bodies do not say, "Welp, we've got enough protein, time to speed up the metabolism, and dump that extra fat." Instead their bodies say, "Holy moley! We've moved into an area with food! Let's store all the fat we can!" and that's how Republicans are created.

Getting enough protein while still allowing your body to use its stored fat for energy is a tricky balancing act. Most of the foods that we eat which are high in protein are also high in fat and carbohydrates. The answer is lean proteins AND exercise. Lean proteins (Chicken, fish, turkey, soy, and AHEM whey protein) Allow you to eat enough protein to fulfill your daily needs but without adding a whole lot of extraneous calories you don't need. Also exercise is one way to keep your metabolism from falling. Your muscles have to have energy and protein in order to function. By exercising you aren't really giving your body a choice about what to do with its energy reserves. There is only one choice: use em (i.e.: work the fat off). Yes your body will bitch and moan about it but that's life, we all have to do things we hate, and its time your body towed the party line.

Fat Blob Project

By popular request I have decided to include the "before" photos I took in this blog entry. It seems that certain people don't possess technology advanced enough to display a flash program. That's alright though cause it makes sense. I'll be posting the weekly photos in blog form along with a short discussion of my experiences and impression from the week.

Man these pictures turned out larger than I expected. Pay particularly close attention to the lack of any V-Shape to my torso, the skinny computer geek arms, and the complete lack off ass. Also my hair always looks red in photographs and I haven't been able to figure out why.

Attention Ladies and Germs

Guess what day it is? That’s right, January 31st. The day that I have established as the deadline to have my diet and exercise program in place and the date I’ll begin my time-lapse series of photographs. Are you ready? Am I ready? Well, I’m mostly ready. I don’t have my gym membership yet but I think that can wait until after I start my diet. We all know what that means: its time to start counting calories.

BLEAGH! You say? If I catch your meaning then yes it is indeed a tedious, joyless endeavor. However it is a necessary requirement of any responsible diet and exercise plan.

Consider the following. Can you lose weight just through exercise and without any change in diet? The answer is a resounding ‘maybe’. It would be dependent on your already having a net-zero number of calories in your diet. In other words you would already have to consume no more calories per day than you burn. In such a case you could indeed get away with jogging 30 minutes a day and lose weight since exercise requires energy (a calorie is a unit of energy for you high school science class dropouts). BUT we all know that’s not how life works. Some days you’ll survive on coffee and cigarettes…other days you’ll eat half a strawberry cheesecake at 3am and never gain an ounce.

Some people try to justify eating that 300 calorie piece of cake by thinking, “Well I’ll just workout extra hard tomorrow to make up for it.” That’s all well and good but do you really want to live your life that way? To do that you’d need to spend 60 minutes on the treadmill just to work off the cake and break even, and then MORE exercise on top of that. Doesn’t it make more sense just to skip the cake?

Now consider this. Can you lose weight just by changing your diet alone? The answer is ‘absolutely’. This strategy works, just ask any gastric-bypass patient (a terrible procedure I would never recommend). How does it work? Remember it’s not fat that makes you fat, it’s not carbs, its not red meat and potatoes; it’s all about the calories. Eat fewer calories than the minimum your body needs to stay alive and you will eventually consume your fat reserves, thus losing weight. That sounds miserable you say? It can be, but those are the breaks. The thing that trips most people up is they think they have to starve in order to have any effect. This is NOT true. To start to lose weight you should trim approximately 500 calories from your net calorie total. Notice this is not the same thing as saying you need to trim 500 calories from your diet. 500 calories can be one whole meal so skipping out on one can be psychologically intimidating.

The objective of reducing 500 calories from your net calorie total can be accomplished several ways. You can skip a meal. *GASP* Yes it can be done that way. I don’t personally recommend it because you’ll be starving and you’ll be tempted to gorge at your next meal. Alternately you can reduce all your portion sizes across the board, thereby cutting the 500 calories. This will still allow you to eat well in most cases. Thirdly you can trim 250 calories from your diet AND exercise each day burning off 250 calories that way. That is the preferred method in my opinion.

The Best Laid Plans...

Does this sound familiar to you? You finally make everything ‘just so’, got all your ducks in a row, and things seem to be going your way. Then SUDDENLY something comes out of left-field and blows your carefully laid plans to pieces. Well Friday afternoon there I was minding my own business (driving back from work) when I decided to make a short detour to McDonalds. Yes that’s right, greasy, carby, fatty McDonald’s, but that’s not important right now. I took a sharp turn on to a side street and I heard a very loud *CLUNK* from my right front wheel. Immediately after that I completely lost power. The engine was still running and the still revving but the wheels weren’t getting any power.

Yes the CV joint had finally given up the ghost. Fortunately I still had enough momentum from the turn that I was able to coast safely into a parking spot. When all was said and done it was $282 to replace the axle assembly – parts, labor, towing. It actually was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

New Year's Resolutions (Part Two)

So take a second and look at the little tracker that's on my blog here. It shall henceforth be called the "Fat-tracker" because it keeps track of my weight. On the 1st of January 2008 I stepped on the scale and weighed in at 212.5lbs. One week later I stepped on the scale and weighed 214lbs for a net gain of 1.5lbs. For my diet and exercise regimen I will be taking three different measurements. One of weight (or mass for you science nerds), one of dimensions (yes guys there is more than one use for a tape measure) and one visual.


Weight (aka: the Scale)


Measurements taken by stepping on the bathroom scale can be an important indicator of fat gain or loss. But it is important to read the results in context. One thing you'll notice right off the bat is that I've apparently gained 1.5lbs. In reality I probably haven't gained or lost anything since I haven't yet adjusted my regular diet. It is "normal" for your weight to fluctuate by as much as 3lbs +/- daily. When I took the first measurement it was at 9AM on the New Year's day. I of course had been celebrating the night before and as such, I was dehydrated the next morning. When I took the second measurement a week later it was later in the day when I had just eaten lunch. That's just how it goes people. Some would suggest taking the average of three readings. I am opposed to that idea.


I think people obsess too much about the numbers on the scale. What you're going to do just before you take a reading is: starve yourself and dehydrate in order to get a low average. I don't know why you would feel compelled to do this other than to psych yourself out which defeats the purpose of taking a true average anyway. What I recommend is: jump on the scale at the same time of day once a week; whatever the scale says is what you report. If you're jumping on it every other hour every day you'll drive yourself nuts. Once a week should be sufficient to track your progress over time.


Take the readings in context with the understanding that if you're also exercising you will show an apparent weight-gain accounting for any additional muscle-mass you build. If you become too dependent on the scale's readings you could get into a trap where you may actually be losing fat but you freak because you're "gaining weight". Then you'll think to yourself, "well screw this crap its not working anyway!". Then you'll proceed to eat everything in the fridge and be a bitter, defeated, fat loser. To avoid that pitfall I will be taking two other measurements which I will discuss now.


Dimensions (aka: the tape measure)


So you're sticking to your diet and exercising on the prescribed days and you lost a good bit of weight the first couple of weeks. Good for you, but now your scale says you've started to taper off and you fear the trend may be reversing. Well here's something you should try: Keep a record of the tape measurements from your waistline. Why the waist? Because its one of the few easily measureable parts of the body that consistently decreases as you lose fat and gain muscle. This is especially important for men to think about. Men tend to increase muscle-mass quicker than women (due to higher testosterone levels), and if measuring from the chest, thigh, or buttocks it will appear that men are getting "fatter" as they diet and exercise. Actually you're packing on the "beef" and that should please most men. If the idea of being more muscular does not appeal to you...then I don't know what does, though I will admit those professional body builders are DISGUSTING to look at! Speaking of being looked at I will now discuss my third measurement option.

Visual (aka: the digital camera)

Why is this important? We've all seen those pictures of people who have gone on some miracle diet. They invariably depict of shlumpy middle-aged depressed woman with a grim expression as the "before" picture and a slim 30-something manic woman with a grin five miles wide. She also inexplicably has gone from pasty white to golden brown and greasy; instead of granny-panties she now wears a black thong. This is first and foremost an advertising scheme. In otherwords "look how crappy and depressed you were before and how great and happy you look now!" That's the point of the diet of course but the pictures themselves are rediculously exagerrated sucess stories. You'll note there is often a disclaimer saying "results not typical". You can potentially look like that too but good luck.

So my advice is to dispense with the before and after shots (at least the notion) and substitute instead a series of photographs taken over time to demonstrate your progress. Why? The purpose of time-lapse photography is to bring otherwise imperceptible changes into a threshold of movement that our eye can detect and our brain can process. Losing fat and gaining muscle (when done properly) takes a looooooooong time. Actually not that long, but long enough that you'd never notice it occuring even if you stared at a mirror all day long. It can be frustrating if you don't notice the changes, and waiting 6 months to take the "after" picture is delayed gratification in my mind. Fortunately there is technology that makes taking time-lapse photos of yourself relatively easy.

I recommend a digital camera with fair-good resolution ($100-200). After you have that snap a picture every week. Snap a picture every day if you like for a more interesting progression with less jumpiness between frames. Some inexpensive software (often included with the camera) will allow you to take the individual pictures and create a slide-show from them. And yes, unlike the miracle diet success stories there are real people (average Joe's) who have utilized this technique and have posted their time-lapse videos on youtube.com. I'm actually going to be doing that myself but I'll be linking the video to my blog here and using youtube to host. You can go back and review the photos yourself for reassurance that its actually working. At worst you'll at least have a digital camera to play around with.

New Year's Resolutions (Part One)

Good afternoon. Many of you are probably interested in what my final list of New Year's
Resolutions actually are. I can't say that I blame you considering that I hyped them so much in my previous entry. Well here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2008 (in no particular order)

Lose weight/exercise more. This has become such a common New Year's Resolution these days that it should more properly be called THE New Year's Mantra. I'm sure 90% of you have at one point at least attempted to lose weight and exercise. Where you failed (miserably) I intend to succeed.

The key to any successful weight loss and exercise program is: motivation. Motivation is in turn triggered by both desire and fear. For example: I desire to be pleasing to the eye
whilst wearing a bathing suit, and fear being a bloated lazy slob who votes Republican and who dines exclusively at 'All-you-can-eat" buffets. Yes, motivation is the key to weight-loss but keys only unlock doors. You still have to walk through them or there is no point.

If motivation is the key that opens the door to weight-loss and exercise, then the door you walk though is undoubtedly: your strategy. We all know that they're tons of diet programs out there. You are probably asking yourself, "What plan is right for Trevor?". The answer may surprise you: none of them are. All diet plans are just gimmicks. I'll explain why.

One diet plan says "Carbs are the enemy, cut them out", the other says, "Meat is the enemy, become a vegetarian" and still another says, "Fat is the enemy, avoid fat like the plague". Each version is simultaneously correct and utterly misguided. There is really only one enemy: calories. And each version of a diet plan accomplishes the same task, namely reducing caloric intake. In the end the only responsible diet plan that works effectively EVERY time is one which causes you to burn more calories as energy than you absorb from food.

Can you lose weight by eating low-fat/fat free? Sure...but you'll be agonizing over every pat of butter, every slice of cheese, and live in mortal fear that your turkey sandwich may have real mayonnaise on it. The same is true for each diet plan, it just remains a question of what you want to give up.

But just consider for a moment that there is a diet plan out there that allows you to eat whatever you want and still lose weight. "What is this miracle diet plan? How much for your book!?" you ask. "Surely there's some magical pill you can swallow and just poop your fat away". Well there is such a diet but the truth of it may be harder to swallow than any diarrhea-inducing horse-pill.

Eat whatever you like, but eat half of what you would normally eat. Cut your hamburger in half and divide the french fries into equal piles. If you like: give the other half to your buddy so you don't feel so bad about "wasting" food. Or you can save the rest for lunch tomorrow. Or if necessary dump it down the garbage disposal. Then eat your meal, enjoy it, savor every bite and replace that "OMG I just ate 30 grams of carbohydrates I RUINED my Atkins diet!" attitude with a smug sense of self-satisfaction.

"But but, half a hamburger that's not enough, I'll still be hungry afterwards!". Tsk tsk, that's just your fat brain talking. Fact is: even half a burger is probably too much for such a sedentary slob, be grateful you’re getting anything at all!

I is back!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, and gentlemen who believe they are ladies and vice-versa, the indomitable Trevor is back! Back just in time to have a long boring discussion about the year in review (2007). Actually that idea also bores me so I won't be doing that afterall.

One thing I would like to do is discuss my New Year's Resolutions for 2008. In my experience I tend to keep my resolutions best in years which are even-numbered. 1998 for example: I resolved to go to college out-of-state and I achieved that goal. 2002: I resolved to lose that extra...AHEM...45 lbs (which I accomplished by becoming "The Atkins Nazi") and I still have the "Fat Shirt" which used to be tight on me as a reminder of my success. 2006: I resolved to become "too skinny" and accomplished that (lightest I ever was since sophomore year of highschool - 185lbs). These are resolutions which are not exactly easy to keep so in retrospect I find it extraordinary that a lazy slob such as myself was able to accomplish that much. Normally I would have given up by the end of January.

But like I said this is 2008, the cycle of years has landed on an even-numbered year and I am ready and motivated to carry out my New Year's Resolutions. Now if I just had some...

Okay I thought of one:

1. Update your blog more often you lazy slob!

There should be fresh content, new discussions, new music, new pictures AT LEAST once every week. I think that is a reasonable goal. I'm thinking about getting a nicer digital camera. Not one that's so nice that I would go into mourning if I ever left it at a table at the mall but one that's better than the crappy camera that's built into the SideKick II. This will be my first resolution.

You don't need a degree to operate a toaster...

So there I was minding my own business when this trailer trash looking guy comes barrelling out of the dining room.

"THE TOASTER IS STUCK IN THE ON POSITION!"

So I calmly made my way into the dining room to check on things. As I was walking toward the toaster it popped up as usual. There was no toast in it however. So I asked the gentleman (and I use that term loosely),

"Did your toast get burned?" He shook his head.

"Nah I took the toast out with the tonges". I assured him everything was fine now and went back to work. The toaster, being one of the simplest appliances, operates on the principle that the user is more intelligent than it is. As the average toaster costs $12.95 at Walmart its a safe bet its probably not loaded with advanced technology that is able to sense when the toast is manually pulled out the slot. That being the case, the toaster will naturally plug along until it reaches the point it assumes the toast is done whether or not there is actually any bread in there. If the toaster WERE actually stuck the logical solution is to: pull the plug. Then it will cool down enough to be serviced or if necessary discarded and replaced. Its people like that guy I mentioned that are the reason we can't have nice things.

One of the most common complaints I hear (in regards to the breakfast) comes in the form of an accusing question: "Oh you don't have a waffle station?" NO WE DO NOT HAVE A WAFFLE STATION. A make your own waffle station would be an unqualified disaster; most of these people aren't bright enough to handle a bowl of cereal. I can just hear it now....

"Timmy its time to go!"

"Just a second mom I'm making another waffle!" Timmy pours more batter on both griddles, spilling over the edge and down the counter.

"I TOLD YOU WE WERE LEAVING 15 MINUTES AGO!!!"

"But Myoooommmmmmm! Waaaaaaaa!"

"NOW YOU MISERABLE LITTLE BRAT! I WISH I HAD HAD THAT ABORTION!" She grabs little Timmy by the arm and drags him off kicking and screaming. Meanwhile the waffles silently cook, then overcook, then start to char as the dining room slowly fills with smoke. At this point an elderly lady will come to the front and say,

"Excuse me you're out of the Delicious Orange Juice"...the orange juice which comes from concentrate and tastes like sugar water which gives me a sour stomach just thinking about it. So I will go up to throw in another container of orange sludge and find flames shooting out from under the waffle iron. Come on now you know as well as I that's EXACTLY what would happen. I'd say the solution is to buy the pre-cooked package waffles that you heat up in the toaster...but they don't know how to work that either.

You should have used Preparation H...on your mouth.

*snap snap snap (fingers snapping) tap tap tap (fingernails rapping on the counter)*

"Come on COME ON! I need to get going!"

To my impatient guests who think they're so important they can't afford to waste a second on anything: up your's.

I realize that in the fabulously glamorous world of 'Used Car Sales' you're used to fast-talking and borderline hustling of people. But here in my world we actually take time to be pleasant, patient, and understanding. While you're sucking the lifeblood out of your customers trying to earn a commission, I'm getting paid an hourly wage. Unlike you its optional for me to be a ginormous asshole (though I would find that unthinkable), because lets face it: the pay is the same whether I try hard or not.

You're used to having things your own way. You think this is because you're important and sucessful and therefore deserve such treatment. Actually its because people can't stand you and will do almost anything to make you shutup and GO AWAY!

I however, am your worst enemy. I'm exceedingly patient and insults, threats, and temper-tantrums don't affect me in the slightest. You WILL get your receipts; sure I could have it "right quick" but you're going to have to wait till your attitude improves. I don't believe in rewarding sociopathic behavior.

Sorry...dumbass.

HeadOn Apply directly to the forehead!

Sometimes I wish there was a sound associated with rolling your eyes. It wouldn't have to happen each time but it would be reserved for occasions when somebody said something REALLY exasperating. Case in point: this morning I received a phone call at exactly 7:01AM. I REALLY could have used the eye roll sound effect for that phone call.

"Umm hi, my husband and I are recently divorced and he has custody of the kids and lives in Colorado Springs now..." (Like I care lady)

"...Anyway my current fiance and I are going to be travelling out there in September and we're thinking of staying at your hotel for a couple of nights..." (Again: so what? 'your hotel' are the first two words you've said so far that interest me)

"...Can you describe the neighborhood that you're in?" (this call couldn't have waited till oh I don't know, NEVER?) So I went through the whole shpeal and finally she said thanks for the information and hung up.

In an ideal world, here's how that same conversation would have gone...

*ring ring* [Thawump - eye roll sound effect]

"Umm hi, [Thawump] my husband and I are recently divorced and he has custody of the kids and lives in Colorado Springs now..." [Thawump]

"...Anyway my current fiance and I are going to be travelling out there in September [Thawump][Thawump] and we're thinking of staying at your hotel for a couple of nights..."[Thawump][Thawump][Thawump]!

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize how rediculous and pointless this would sound until I heard your eyes rolling, I'll call back at a normal person hour, bye now"[Thawump]

Drive safely you Cheap Rotten Bastard! And take your wife's thighs with you.

Every now and then you get a retired Lawyer as a guest in the hotel. In case you've never met one before I'll fill you in on the dirt. Lawyers are by definition: rotten bastards. Retired lawyers (by extension of being old coots) are even worse; they are Cheap Rotten Bastards. You know how they say "Doctors make the worst patients"? Well lawyers (while not necessarily the worst guests...that award goes to Bridezillas) make terrible hotel guests. Why? Unlike most they will actually READ everything you ask them to sign. And then they will quiz you on the information even though they know full-well they have a much better grasp of "limited liability" than you.

Whereas a normal person would simply intitial and sign wherever you told them to, with Cheap Rotten Bastard Lawyers you get:

"Well now wait a minute what's this? 'I agree that my liability for this bill is not waived and agree to be held personally liable in the event that the indicated person, company, or association fails to pay the full amount of these charges' what else are you going to charge my card for!?"

The answer being: Nothing...provided you aren't adding additional nights, running up your phone bill, charging concessions to your room, etc. However you as the 'indicated person' are affirming that you will be responsible for any charges you (indicated person) incur.

"Grunt, well I'll sign it then." You know at that very moment CRB (Cheap Rotten Bastard) is going to sit down with his bill at checkout and scrutinize everything from the AAA discount percentage to the sales tax. Will he borrow your calculator to check his figures? No of course not, how does he know your calculator doesn't lie to him the same as you?
Then when all is said and done, CRB will plop down: a coupon.

One more for the Lemming Pile

OMG Have you noticed the alarming increase in the number of marriages between one man and five women, one man and a goat, or between ten men, fifteen women, a dolphin, and a television remote lately? Neither have I. Yet as far as Fundamentalist Christian Bigots are concerned all of these things were bound to take place now that same-sex Marriage is legal in Massachusetts. Well Fundies, I don't mean to be a smart-mouthed bastard (it comes naturally) but uh...so...when are people gonna make with the polygamy? And I don't want to gloat (though if I do its only because I was right all along) but you're running out of time for your dire predictions to come true.

"Oh but you forget, rampant homosexuality and same-sex marriage presaged the downfall of the Roman Empire we can't take that risk!" Thou sayest.

Actually I can recall only one "same-sex" marriage that occured in Roman history, that of the Emperor Nero to a slave boy. However as I also recall, anyone who dared defy Nero invariably wound up dead. But same-sex marriage in ancient Rome was actually quite illegal. Ancient Romans in fact placed preminate value on heterosexual marriage and family life. In fact the Ancient Roman ideal of the family unit with the male as the leader of the household followed by the subservient woman (or women occasionally) and Leave-it-to-Beaver children would be something that modern Fundies in the United States could only achieve in their wettest dreams if not for that bothersome notion of "Freedom".

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. That is of course an overgeneralization but I think one that aptly describes the antics of the anti-gay movement in America. If there is one constant in the ever changing dynamic of American politics its that: Fundamentalists SUCK when it comes to maintaining momentum for their cause. This is due in part to their reticence to embrace new ideas of course, but also because of their attitude that the world is organized in sharp contrasts. Black and White, good vs evil, right vs wrong, etc. And while they may have the ability to gain a victory politically what they don't seem to understand is that they have to maintain it.

Examples of ConservaFundie rationale:

1. "Well we won the last election, why are you bothering registering Democrat voters? Don't you realize you lost?"
2. "Voters passed Prop 22 the Defense of Marriage Act in California in 2000, it doesn't matter that a majority now support civil unions or same-sex marriage. Changing it now would go against the 'will of the voters'".

In the mindset of Conservatives (especially of the Fundamentalist Christian variety) changes in public opinion are irrelevant so long as at some point public opinion happened to coincide with their opinion. Whatever it was then is whatever it is now; it must be because opinions are set in stone...and change is scary. There are of course times when even the most stubborn fundy must concede defeat...at least internally. When that happens the ensuing drama is absolutely delicious.

Consider the screeching drama queens at VoteOnMarriage.org who organized to try and force a constitutional amendment be added to the Massachusetts's state constitution. After failing the first two times to get a majority in the admittedly left-leaning legislature to vote for the ballot initiative they tried a much less common (and more despicable) tactic. First they rounded up enough signatures (through scare mongering, threats, and we found out later: outright lying for Jesus) to require that only 1/4th the legislators vote in favor of the amendment in two consecutive terms for the question to be put to the voters. And: it happened. Oh you should have heard the cackles of sheer hategasm on the Fundie side.

"Now you queers are gonna PAY!" etc, etc. But like the Fundie style of lovemaking (both mostly clothed, missionary style through a hole in a sheet) it was over before you knew it had begun. The amendment failed to get the necessary 1/4th legislature support it needed the second time around. Gasp! Could it be that the legislators involved in the first vote over a year ago had time to listen to some of the concerns of their gay and lesbian constituents, took time to consider the impact of their decision, and accordingly changed their minds? Not according to VoteOnMarriage.org. Nay it was meddlesome outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi who "forced" (I guess through the Imperius curse or something) 11 lawmakers to change their vote.

VoteOnMarriage.org recently decided not to try a third time to gather signatures to bring the ballot before the legislature. Curious because they still claim "vast public support" for their small-penised brand of bigotry. Instead they now threaten the careers of lawmakers who don't vote the way they like. Yeah that always works. Dumbbutts